Road Trip!

     Hey there! I decided that I needed some time away from home, so I came down to Winona Lake, Indiana to visit my old roommate and friend, Kaili! I have to say...this trip has done me a lot of good! I am not ashamed to say that I talked to God out loud and sang my heart out all the way down here! For some reason, that's one of the ways I heal and cope with life. Talking to Kaili about boy problems has been great! Simply talking about my feelings helps me sort them out in my head. It's great to have a friend who listens.
     All things considered, I think I'm feelings pretty well today. I think this break is one of the best things we've ever done. It kind of needed to happen, for both of our sakes. God is healing me and I am learning to be totally dependent on Him. He is constantly on my mind and I can't stop thinking about Him. Turning my mind toward Him gives me hope for life, and it helps lift my focus off of myself and onto Him. He's teaching me a lot. I really want to work on my prayer life. There certainly is never a lack of anything to pray about!

I want to be a tool...for Jesus! haha! (I heard that once and it made me laugh!)

Change

     I feel as if this is a diary posted online for the whole world to see...gulp! Well, God seems to keep prodding me with one word lately, "change". So, that puts me in the position to figure what to change. I decided that I would start changing myself from the inside out---this involves prayer and reading the Word of God. I am never satisfied with myself when I'm not satisfied with God. I realize now that I have been looking to other people and things to satisfy me rather than the source of satisfaction. I guess that just goes to show how foolish I am. The disciples seemed to be confused about life an awful lot, and they lived and followed Jesus around all of the time! Oh, to have a tangible experience with the Savior! I'm not knocking the Holy Spirit that God has given us---that is amazing in and of itself!---I'm just thinking that it would be so awesome to follow Christ around for even one day!
   I also do a lot of cleaning and organization when I feel change coming on! Don't ask me why...I don't really understand it. I guess it's a subconscious manifestation of the change going on inside of me. It relaxes me and makes internal change seem more attainable. 
    Here are a few things I would like to change about myself:

• I want to put unmeasurable amounts of effort into my relationship with God. This area seems to get put on the back burner of my semi-hectic life, and it angers me. 
• I want to prioritize. Time is something that I waste so much and so often. I now know that it is something precious that I cannot get back.
• I want to learn how to overcome temptation. I give into sin way too much. Sometimes I feel hypocritical for calling myself a Christian. I want to live up to the original meaning of that word.
• I want to lose weight. WHERE'D THAT COME FROM?! haha! My weight, although not as important as the above issues, is still important to me. I can't remember the last time I looked in a mirror and thought to myself, "Good job, God! I'm a beautiful creature!" I want to see myself the way God sees me. I want to be healthy inside and out! 

     That's where I'll start for now! I can't wait to see what God will teach me!